What behavior did you observe that led you to conclude "surly tone"?
Did they raise their voice? Did they interrupt another to speak? Did they lean over a seated person?
Perhaps you are having difficulty with feedback in this case is because "surly" is a conclusion. Focus on observable behaviors.
Example :
B: ""Hey <direct>, may I give you some feedback?"
D: "OK, sure"
(to High I)
B: "When you raise your voice and point your finger at people it's less likely they'll ask you to be on teams in the future..."
(to High C)
B: "When you yell and point at people they doubt your credibility...what can you do differently?"
You may wish to refer back to: http://www.manager-tools.com/2006/02/improve-your-feedback
Submitted by John Hack on Monday January 25th, 2010 8:51 am
This is a tough one.
First, ask yourself if the feedback is really needed. That is, perhaps you should give positive feedback when they don't reply in a surly manner (whatever that is). "When you reply enthusiastically, I conclude you're really engaged. Thanks!"
Second, you need to identify something that the person can actually change. Surly is often an interpretation based on "shortness" or "curt" answers, where the word is spoken quickly, and almost cut off at the end. This is observable behavior, but can be hard to convey in words. Tone (higher or lower voice), again, is behavior, but harder to discuss and control.
Often, it's actually what they say: "Bill, let's review these invoices for a sec..." Possible replies: "Sure!" "OK." "Whatever you want." "Right now?" "I'm busy!" "Sure, but I'm in the middle of something....how about 2pm?" Words are much easier to discuss.
Look to spend more time giving positive feedback when they're not surly. Positive is more powerful.
John Hack
Submitted by Joy Jensen on Monday January 25th, 2010 11:52 am
"When you use words like "jackass" and "moron" that have perjorative meanings, people become defensive because they see your words as an attack rather than constructive criticism."
Speaking of which, my own boss recently told me "I need you to tone it down in your emails." I asked "What do you mean?" she said "I just need you to tone it down." Uhmm, okay, thanks for that. (In reality, I get what she was saying but I could have pushed the issue and made things difficult for her by saying "I was expressing concern so you don't want me to express concern in my emails?")
Hausman & Hack are right-on when it comes to specifics. Focus on the exact things that are making things seem surly. "This particular word is generally seen as surliness and I can't imagine you want a reputation for being Surly Dude." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
DiSC profile: 7-2-1-5
Submitted by John Hack on Monday January 25th, 2010 12:15 pm
What behavior led you....
What behavior did you observe that led you to conclude "surly tone"?
Did they raise their voice? Did they interrupt another to speak? Did they lean over a seated person?
Perhaps you are having difficulty with feedback in this case is because "surly" is a conclusion. Focus on observable behaviors.
Example :
B: ""Hey <direct>, may I give you some feedback?"
D: "OK, sure"
(to High I)
B: "When you raise your voice and point your finger at people it's less likely they'll ask you to be on teams in the future..."
(to High C)
B: "When you yell and point at people they doubt your credibility...what can you do differently?"
You may wish to refer back to: http://www.manager-tools.com/2006/02/improve-your-feedback
What is "surly"
This is a tough one.
First, ask yourself if the feedback is really needed. That is, perhaps you should give positive feedback when they don't reply in a surly manner (whatever that is). "When you reply enthusiastically, I conclude you're really engaged. Thanks!"
Second, you need to identify something that the person can actually change. Surly is often an interpretation based on "shortness" or "curt" answers, where the word is spoken quickly, and almost cut off at the end. This is observable behavior, but can be hard to convey in words. Tone (higher or lower voice), again, is behavior, but harder to discuss and control.
Often, it's actually what they say: "Bill, let's review these invoices for a sec..." Possible replies: "Sure!" "OK." "Whatever you want." "Right now?" "I'm busy!" "Sure, but I'm in the middle of something....how about 2pm?" Words are much easier to discuss.
Look to spend more time giving positive feedback when they're not surly. Positive is more powerful.
John Hack
My Take.
"When you use words like "jackass" and "moron" that have perjorative meanings, people become defensive because they see your words as an attack rather than constructive criticism."
Speaking of which, my own boss recently told me "I need you to tone it down in your emails." I asked "What do you mean?" she said "I just need you to tone it down." Uhmm, okay, thanks for that. (In reality, I get what she was saying but I could have pushed the issue and made things difficult for her by saying "I was expressing concern so you don't want me to express concern in my emails?")
Hausman & Hack are right-on when it comes to specifics. Focus on the exact things that are making things seem surly. "This particular word is generally seen as surliness and I can't imagine you want a reputation for being Surly Dude."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
DiSC profile: 7-2-1-5
Of course
There is this podcast: http://www.manager-tools.com/2008/06/how-to-coach-directs-on-interperso…
...just in case you may have overlooked it...
John Hack
Great. I'll focus on the
Great. I'll focus on the positive right now. And look into that coaching cast.